i.want.to.die.

today i woke up at 2 and immediately i wanted to kill myself. then, i started thinking of how i should do it. So, i narrowed it down to popping some pills so that maybe i’d still have the chance to live. see, i want to die but then again i just want to be taken to the hospital, die for a brief second and see how many people come and send me their love. I want to also see how’d they’d (family&friends) would treat me after this dramatic affair..will everyone act different around me? will my mom send me away to some ‘special’ school? will my dad not know what to say to me? will my friends not want to hang out with me because they are afraid to be seen with me? ya know..maybe i want it that way. maybe i want to be alone. maybe i want to just fucking die already because i want my family and friends to feel all the hurt that i’ve felt from them. i want them to be depressed. but then again…they probably won’t give a flying fuck about it. they’d probably agree with me if i told them i thought i had no point on living in this world.

 4 words: i.want.to.die…….aaahhh that felt good.